Grandma and I shared a bedroom. I loved my Grandma and didn’t mind sharing a room with her. We slept together in the queen-sized bed. There was a toilet in what must have been a closet at one time. And a kitchen sink in the corner of the room. And Grandma’s cedar chest along the wall. It was not a large chest mostly made from solid wood with a veneer finish and lined on the inside with thin sheets of red cardboard with holes throughout to allow air to pass through.

Grandma was my Dad’s Mom. My mother did not like Grandma and they fought often. One night when I was six or seven years old, I heard Mom and Grandma fighting yet again. And then Grandma was in our bedroom with me, washing and getting dressed. I asked her where she was going and she told me she had to move out. Sobbing, I begged her to stay. I remember in between sobs wailing “I don’t want you to leave!” She said she had to go and packed her things. I was devastated and kept crying. Grandma always took care of me. She consoled me when my mother was cruel. She was my protector. And now she was leaving.

Grandma lived in various apartments after she moved out. And I would get to visit with her and stay overnight sometimes. Grandma didn’t have a lot, but she always had the cedar chest in her bedroom. She told me that one day that cedar chest would be mine and that when she died I could have it.

I was only eleven years old when Grandma died. I remember waking up one morning and instead of my Mom and Dad, Mrs. Chishko was babysitting us. Mrs. Chishko was Grandma’s good friend. I was so confused because Grandma and I visited with Mrs. Chishko at her house, but she didn’t come to our house. She told me and my brothers that Mom and Dad had to go somewhere early that morning and they would be home soon. Much later, my parents arrived and after talking with Mrs. Chishko, she went home. Then Mom and Dad gathered us in the living room and told us that Grandma had died at the hospital that morning. I remember this being the only time that I ever saw my Dad cry. I was inconsolable and so angry that they had not woken me up and taken me to the hospital to see Grandma before she died.

I barely remember the funeral. I had been to the funeral home many times before, but for friends and family members that I wasn’t close to. This was different. It was Grandma in the casket. Grandma who looked like she was asleep, but was never going to wake up again. Grandma who was lowered into the ground next to Grandpap’s grave. We used to visit Grandpap’s grave, and Grandma would always cry so much when we did. Grandpap had died before I was born and Grandma missed him so much. Now Grandma was in the grave with Grandpap. And now I cried because I missed Grandma.

Not long after, we went to clean out Grandma’s last apartment. It was a duplex not far from our house. Everyone was there: Mom and Dad, me and my brothers, Aunt Catherine, Aunt Patty and Uncle Bill, and my cousin’s Terry and Renee. At one point, I saw the cedar chest being carried out and I asked where they were putting it. I was told that Aunt Catherine was taking it. I remember being so upset and telling them that Grandma said I could have it and it was mine. I was crying and yelling and basically throwing a temper tantrum. All to no avail as they loaded it into Aunt Catherine’s car and she drove off with it.

Aunt Catherine would invite me to stay at her house sometimes. I liked to go there because Aunt Catherine was always so nice to me. And she had a swimming pool. It was fun to swim with my cousin DJ and his friends. And DJ would take me for rides on his dirt bike. One time when I was staying there as a teenager, Aunt Catherine asked me if I still wanted Grandma’s cedar chest. Yes, oh yes please! I went home from that visit with the coveted cedar chest.

I’ve moved several times in my life and that cedar chest has always gone with me. The veneer is a little worse for the wear. The lining inside is still intact and when I open it, it still smells fresh. I now use Grandma’s cedar chest to store spare pillows and blankets. The chest sits at the foot of my bed. And it holds a special place in my heart. As long as I have the cedar chest, I will always have a piece of my Grandma.