Tonight, the grief sits heavy on my chest

It feels as if there is a weight pressing down

Pressing the very breath out of me

There are so many stages of grief

But there seems to never be an end to the grieving

The raw emotion tears through me and I hardly know what to think

They say that time is the great healer

But I think that time allows us to find ways to dull the searing pain

Until it becomes just a dull ache

But never really goes away

I grieve for so many loved ones that have gone on before me

My heart yearns to see them one more time

To hug them and tell them how much I miss them

Those that have gone recently

And those that passed nearly fifty years ago

Sometimes it is the simplest things that bring memories to the surface

Antique glassware, old fashioned hard tack candy and sauce bread remind me of my Grandma

Sawdust, Canadian whiskey, Christmas Eve fish feasts and sitting on the porch in the sunshine bring memories of my Dad

The way Uncle Bill would call me Debra and doze off after Christmas Eve dinner make me smile

Making a pie crust, snapping beans and big family dinners elicit fond thoughts of Eleanor

How I yearn to hear Jack call me Debbie-cakes one more time

Sitting on the old metal glider takes me back to Uncle Joe and Aunt Vivien’s porch

Walking past a model railroad display in a hobby story transports me back to sitting with my Dad putting the tracks together around the Christmas Tree

I can even smell the slightly acrid burnt odor of the old electrical transformer and hear it hum as it came to life

Fish fries, spaghetti dinners, Italian festivals, picnics at Uncle Joe’s, Christmas Eve with the extended family, Pymatuning Lake, beach vacations

So many common everyday sights and smells and activities cause a tug at my heart

The list grows longer by the day it seems

No, the grief never really goes away

But they are right that it gets easier to bear the heavy burden as time passes

The edge of the rawness fades into a dull ache

And the dull ache fades into brief flashes of sorrow as memories surface

And finally, all that is left is the warmth of knowing we loved and were loved

And we can smile and remember without tears and heartache