We all make choices every day. What to eat? What to do with our time? What to do with our money?

It may sometimes feel like you don’t really have choices, but the reality is that you do. Some people make better choices than others, but they are all choices.

For instance, if someone can’t pay their electric bill because they spent all their money shopping for non-essentials, then that person has chosen how to spend their money. For those of us who pay our bills first, it doesn’t look like a good decision. But it is still a decision.

I have worked for as long as I can remember. As a young girl of about twelve years old, I started babysitting. Not long after, I started delivering newspapers. I started with a smaller newspaper and then moved on to the main newspaper in the area. As a teenager, I would work at the local firehall serving food to the people playing Bingo. I didn’t make a lot at any of these jobs, but they all added up. When I turned sixteen, I was hired by Ponderosa Steakhouse. After that, I worked as a cashier at a local grocery store. That took me through high school.

After high school, I didn’t go straight to college. I didn’t even know what I would go to college for. So, I ended up working various jobs. About five years after high school, I did return to college. By that time, I had worked as a cashier at a hardware store, a cashier at an appliance store, a salesperson in a major department store, and I worked in both glass and plastics manufacturing facilities. The point is, I worked. I worked hard. And I was always reluctant to spend much money.

After choosing to go back to college, I worked while attending community college. I worked nights loading trucks at UPS and after that as a clerk/baker in a grocery store bakery. After graduating, I took a temporary job teaching visually handicapped adults to use computers as a job training course. I then was hired into my first professional job as a programmer analyst. I worked at that company for six years and was able to return to college and graduate with a bachelor’s degree during this time. Over the thirty years since I graduated with an associate degree, I’ve worked for several companies and I’ve held various positions.

So I made a lot of choices in my career. And that career has permitted me to earn the money to have to make other decisions. For instance, contributing to a company sponsored 401k was a decision I made early on. I encouraged many people to take advantage of these tax deferred programs. I’m happy I did because that money has added up over the years. Yes, it’s true that it is money I didn’t get to take home and do something with. But I guarantee that I’m going to be happy to have it when I do retire.

I’ve also been the person who pays their bills before they do anything else. Why? Because I grew up in a household that did not value paying their bills. My parents constantly owed money to everyone including utilities, mortgage companies, and anyone else who would lend them money. As the oldest of three children, I often had to answer the phone and talk to the creditors and collection agencies. When I got out on my own, I declared I would never deal with that again. As a result, my bills are always paid first. If there is no money left after the bills are paid, then I don’t buy anything else. I pay my credit card balance off every month. There are no exceptions. I watch my credit card balances daily. Again, if I am in danger of not having enough money to pay the credit card bill off, then I stop spending.

I don’t live with a strict budget. But I do live within my means. For me, that process looks something like this: I sit down every weekend and get out all my bills. I write the due date on the front of each envelope. I sit down every Saturday and pay all bills that are due over the next ten days. Once I do that and record everything in my checkbook, I determine which of the three following scenarios exist (1) I have enough in my checking to cover the bills I just paid and just enough to cover incidentals through the next week; (2) I have enough in my checking to cover the bills I just paid plus the incidentals for the next week plus an excess that I can transfer into my savings account; or (3) I do not have enough in my checking to cover the bills I just paid and incidentals for the coming week and I transfer money from my savings into my checking to cover everything. When the savings gets over a certain amount, I take the excess and invest it in something that will earn more than a standard savings account.

I know I’ve been blessed to have had good paying jobs over the years. But luck doesn’t have a lot to do with it. I went to college, I studied hard, I got good grades. That launched me into my first job. From there, I kept learning and taking on more responsibilities, which resulted in raises and better jobs. But being frugal has saved me from being homeless and bankrupt more than once. I’ve been laid off from four different jobs over the last thirty years. I’ve been unemployed for a total of fifty-seven months over those thirty years. Yes, you read that correctly. My unemployment over thirty years has equaled almost five years of time where I was not working. And yet, I never missed a bill payment. I never went into bankruptcy. I didn’t lose my house or car. Why? Because I prioritized not being in debt, paying my bills, and saving everything I could.

Does that mean I didn’t have anything? Or do anything? No! I’ve lived a good life.

But I understand my limits. And I understand that there are choices to be made. For some people, buying things is the most important aspect of their life. They believe that old saying “The one with the most toys when they die wins.”. I prefer to believe “You can’t take it with you.”

I’ve discovered over the years that I find a lot of joy in various experiences. I’ve chosen to spend my money on experiences instead of things. Yes, I own a house. And yes, it has furniture in it. And yes, I own a car. But I bought a house I could afford. And I don’t have the most expensive furniture out there. I buy quality, but not overly expensive items. I drive a Ford instead of a BMW or Mercedes or whatever other status symbol car is out there. Why? Because it’s a means to get to where I need to go. Ford has comfort options at a much more affordable price than Mercedes or BMW. So yes, I have things. But I’ve chosen to spend less on those things.

You may ask why I would do that. The answer is simple. I’ve chosen experiences over things. My experiences come with a price as well. I enjoy ballroom dance. But lessons cost money. And I enjoy performing in the annual ball our dance studio hosts to showcase the student’s talents. That too costs money in extra lessons, shoes, and dance outfits. The joy I receive from dancing is priceless to me. It doesn’t matter how bad of a day I’ve had, as soon as I start dancing, my mood lightens up and everything is better.

Travel is another experience I’ve chosen to spend money on. As a young girl, I read continuously. There weren’t enough books. I always had books from the library that I was reading. For me, books were an escape. I would read about all these wonderful places all over the world and think about what it must be like to see it for yourself. Once I started traveling, I didn’t want to stop. I have traveled a lot. But it doesn’t seem like nearly enough. I’ve been to more than forty of the fifty US States, including Alaska and Hawaii. I’ve traveled to all three countries in North America. I’ve been on multiple cruises through the Caribbean visiting many of the islands. I’ve traveled to Central and South America. And I’ve visited six different countries in Europe.
I also enjoy eating out at fine dining establishments. And going to museums. And art exhibits. And festivals. And fairs. I enjoy hiking, doing defensive tactics training, working out, and target shooting. I enjoy cooking and baking.

All those experiences, I deem a worthy use of my hard-earned money.

But I will keep my car for ten years because new cars are expensive, and it costs less to maintain the old one for many years. I will wear the same clothes over and over until they wear out instead of buying something new every season or every event or every paycheck. I buy good shoes that will last a long time instead of every new trend that comes out.

I value quality over quantity in most things I purchase. Food is the same. Instead of buying a huge package of ground meat from Sam’s club, I buy small packages from the local farm that raises their own cows, butchers them, and sells the meat at their market. I buy locally grown produce at the farmer’s market instead of the huge bag of fruit at the grocery store shipped in from some third world country. Does it cost more? Yes! What is your health worth?

I remember growing up in the 1970s there was a phrase thrown around a lot. It was “Keeping up with the Joneses”. It meant that if your neighbor bought something, then you would feel the need to have it too. Corporations bombard us with marketing continuously. I am constantly opting out of email marketing from companies because they will send emails at least daily with the latest sale items. How is it that things are on sale always? Marketing 101 – make people think they are getting a good deal. And that they will miss out if they don’t act now. Someone created a new acronym – FOMO. It means Fear of Missing Out. Do you have FOMO?

I’m not saying you shouldn’t buy anything. But buy what you need when you need it. Need – that’s an interesting word. I’ve come to realize that people don’t understand the difference between want and need. Need comes from the word necessity. Necessity, by definition, is something that is essential, not optional. Want is anything that is desirable, but not essential. There is a huge difference between these two concepts. Changing your vocabulary to express wants as a need creates a sense of a void in your life. This is what retailers do all the time. They try to create a need in your life for items that are not essential. And spending your money on non-essentials should only happen after all needs are met.

Needs are things like food, clothing and shelter. Not necessarily designer clothing. Or gourmet meals. But the basic requirements to sustain life. Not a mansion. But a safe place to lay your head at night. Once needs are met (and paid for), then wants can be considered. That money for wants is where decisions should be made. Unfortunately, so many people buy their wants and then can’t afford to pay for their needs.

I often wonder what people think about in their last days. Granted, not everyone gets those last days to reflect on their life. But many of us do. As we age and as our mobility and health decline, we have nothing but time to think about our life decisions. I’m pretty sure I’m never going to regret my experiences. But I most definitely have had buyer’s remorse for things that I bought and never used. Or bought and paid too much money for. Or bought even though I didn’t have a need for it and then it just takes up space.

My question to you is what will you remember fondly at the end of your life? And what will you regret when that time comes? The answers are your guide to how you should spend your discretionary money and time.